Death.

When I was 18 years old I was told to pick a major in college. What a daunting task for a young kid. I knew what my interests were, but how could you ask a child to decide who they want to be when they are still figuring out who they are?

After changing my major three times, I decided to pursue nursing. I have always loved people and wanted to make a difference, and saving lives sounded appealing and fulfilling. I quickly grew passionate about the idea as I engaged in my studies. What I failed to consider, however, were the technicalities and emotional strain a profession of this nature was forced to endure.

My first code blue and death

Within my first year of nursing, I was working in the ICU when I witnessed my first code blue. A code blue is when a person either goes into cardiac or respiratory arrest. No amount of school can prepare you for the horrific feeling of pumping someone’s chest, simultaneously breaking their ribs, and administering IV drugs as you relentlessly teeter on the lines of life and death

A few months later, I had a patient who was in her late 30s. She had previously been in breast cancer remission. Her cancer was back, and she had attacked with a vengeance. It was all over her pelvis, liver, and lungs. By the time she got to me in the ICU, she was growing hypoxic and oxygen-starved. She coded and passed with her husband at the bedside and 2 little kids at home. That one haunted me for a long time.

After COVID hit 10 years later and witnessing all of the death and destruction it left in its wake, I decided it was time to step away from the hospital setting and pursue lighter avenues in my career.

When you’re in nursing school, you always wonder to yourself, how will I feel when I witness scenarios of the nature described above? Unfortunately, you really have no idea until you actually experience it.

I have lost count as to how many people I have seen lose their lives right before my eyes.

I think the amount of perpetual trauma inflicted by this profession is minimized.

As gruesome of scenarios I have endured, I have mastered so much clinical knowledge one could only gain in the trenches of the hospital. Like many patients who never left the hospital, I have participated in the recovery of many, and for that, I am forever grateful. I learned about different cultures and honestly am humbled. Health is not guaranteed, and you should cherish every day you have it.

The profession changes you. It makes your skin impenetrable. It gives you front-row seats to the impermanence of life and teaches you to cherish each day above ground a little more

We hope you found this article on a nurse’s encounter with death: unveiling the Impentetrable helpful. As travel healthcare professionals, you are front and center of many experiences. Do you have any you would like to share (leaving out certain details, of course)? If so, please comment below. Want to talk about how certain deaths have affected you? Comment those below as well.

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